Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
He was crying to my sister about feeling like a bad person. Then he groped my breasts.
The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
NEWS FLASH: A bottle of wine can fit into a taco bell cup.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
the plan is to continue having sex with all three of them until my birthday, and then once they've given me their presents, they can find out about each other.
No one knows who he is but he hasn't missed a shot in beer pong yet. He's dressed as lance armstrong and is tearing shit up.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
I thought the cops would know I was on shrooms because I was 10ft tall.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
She swallowed the car key because she thought we were really going to make her drive.
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