I would kick you in the vagina but I'm afraid I would lose my shoe.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
im wtih 32a right now bc 34d is on her period. now i know how girls feel when their hookups go from magnums to regulars
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
He pulled out, and the resulting cumstain on my sheets is in the shape of a fetus. The irony of this is both awesome and terrifying.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
Judging by your snapchat you're totally working on your project and definitely not singing, "The Sign" while shirtless with another man.
Just found out i over drew my checking account on a 711 hot dog
Do u remember buying that
I remember eating it on the curb like a drunken hobo
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
I had to ask him for a dick pic. Do you know how refreshing that was?
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
Randomize
