You and your empty threats of no sex. Like.u.cud.hold.out.
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
Dude.. You paid a stripper $50 to listen to you cry last night.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
I was so proud to be driving sober that I wanted to get pulled over so I could tell the officer I hadn't been drinking.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
i saw way too much penis for that to have been a funeral
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Randomize