is her vagina suppost to smell like dirty taco bell?
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
i hope this doesn't spoil anything but there are vikings and it is awesome
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
She legitimately thought I was hiding in the fridge, then she checked the second one to be sure
I have a cracked rib, no way in hell I'm bottoming for him tonight!
So apparently my mom hired someone who goes by "DJ Dog Dick" for the family christmas party?
My face feels like a midget just gave birth to quintuplets
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
