from now on my penis is your penis
Jesus can read your poker face... He is not pleased
What do you call a girl with PMS and GPS?
A crazy bitch that WILL find your ass!
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
It's like a teen mom casting at the Obgyn's office. I feel great about my positive life decisions.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
Your mother liked my album on facebook that's only filled with drunk pictures. I don't know what to feel about this
The inflatable penis from those pics was mine... We broke him that night
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Jesus Christ, it's not like going swimming. You don't have to wait 20 minutes after you eat to suck a dick
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
Randomize