party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
The reason halloween exists is because it's not cheating if you're wearing a costume.
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
So what if i ate it off the ground. Its like i found a five dollar bill just laying there, in burrito form.
She asked me why I was wearing a Batman Suit. Have I ever needed a reason to wear a Batman Suit?
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
I thought i lost my bra, but when i went back to help clean it was hanging up on the wall
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
Do I lose at life if I cry in a grocery store while buying a pregnancy test?
If I make it home without being sick in this captain's hat it will be a fucking miracle.
...is this motivational speaking, or sexting? It's getting hard to tell.
I told you that you couldn’t eat fifty tacos, you slapped me in the face, ate seventeen tacos, and fell asleep on my floor
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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