i dont even know how to be here
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Get his dick out of your ass and put on some pants we're here
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
would you like to venture to the magical clitoris forest?
Dude. I'm no longer allowed to use my sword when drinking. I just spent 20 min cleaning up popcorn. I stabbed Moe in the leg and chopped his door knob off
So basically he is jobless, a potential serial killer, and has poor taste in music? We simply don't have time for that.
I'm drunk doing an ab workout. I can only hope I make it to bed tonight.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
I made him leave to get me chicken nuggets so I could have sex with his roommate
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
Randomize
