i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
she sucked my dick to get the taste of the last guy's out. I need to find a new friend with benefits.
And after we were done he said "Let's play a game! Who can find their clothes first"
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
I can only send "I want your dick" texts to so many guys before I accidentally over-book myself. I need a day planner.
and here comes the time of my day when I haw to convince a guy to drive my cape and my handle to my dorm.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Thank you for trusting your ovaries to me
It's my birthday, dammit, and I'm getting something for free. I don't care if it's just a drink at the bar.
YOU CAN GET THIS DICK FOR FREE
Maybe not Elvis quality pharmaceuticals...But some good stuff
I'm all about clean living these days
You started your day with fried chicken and a bloody
... after you woke up in your own urine
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