um i just realized that some of the people at my family reunion look inbred. thats not a good sign.
hahaha beady eyes set close together? defs inbred.
my dads cousin just put a cig in his dogs mouth and says, "look its a commercial for newport!" holy hell i hope im adopted.
he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
she needs to learn to take compliments like she takes dicks.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
his semen tasted like maple syrup. no wonder fat girls always wanna fuck him.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
there may or may not be knives in your bed. I would check
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
We were just talking bout putting on helmets and going fo a car ride just to see how ppl react. I will def fit in here haha
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Was the picture of her twerking on a fake plant sufficient?
extra points if i make kids and or the elderly cry
So i woke up this morning to find my boss passed out on my living room floor.. Awkward? Haha
Trying to decide if I'm relieved or disappointed that I didn't receive any fuck boi calls on nye
Randomize
