sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
And no, shaving doesn't make it look bigger, either
I'm beginning to think the entirety of my appeal is due to the size of my ass.
At first I was horrified but then he explained that he shave a "soul patch" on his balls... And I was still horrified, but I went with it.
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
It's been two dates and she just invited me to her aunts funeral. I can't even. Who the fuck does that? I need to drink I'm coming to get you in 5
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I told my parents how nice the girl at the frogurt store was. I neglected to mention that I nearly lost my virginity to her via foursome.
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
It was bad. U were calling my cat "kittiano" and playing her like a piano. Way too drunk my friend.
Can’t fucking wait for Tuesday night. Have another situation that popped up. I swear my life is like a cross between a soap opera and a porno
I got drunk. Then I took a shit.
It was a good shit
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
