You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
He fucked volume into my hair. It was amazing.
We made a trail of cheez balls so we knew how to get back to te apartment.
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
you got me arrested i just think that goes without question you owe me a blowjob
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I smoked a joint in the bathtub at 8 am then went back to bed
Hope everything goes ok. If it makes you feel better, I straightened vomit into my hair and killed a bird earlier.
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
I ended up sleeping with him in a public bathroom because neither of us remembered where we lived. I have hit a new low.
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