the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
unlike you, ive never imagined darth vader masturbating
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
If you're asking how many times you took off your clothes and played with the tiki torches.....the answer is 3.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
fuck it. from now on whatever room i wake up in, i'm stealing clothes from. this walk of shame shit is too much without pants
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
By the power invested in me i promise you hot wedding sex at my wedding.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
I want to strut with the confidence of a pigeon.
Randomize
