..Thats also how I think I got the lyrics from MIAs Paper Planes Sharpeed on my ass? Maybe.
Keeping hand sanitizer and lube in the same drawer in the same size bottle = awful idea
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
How was the birthday sex?
Shit got outta hand. Honestly I think even my STDs have STDs.
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
Did he ask you why you were in his back yard Sunday night?
I'm running on two hours of sleep, a shot of vodka, and half of a granola bar. I can't be held responsible for what I do.
Their first impression of me was that I was completely naked. So yeah college hasn't even started yet and I'm already that person.
You let someone poor beer into my mouth off of a balcony. Best friend test failed.
Haahahahahahhaaa
I see you listening to my get shitfaced playlist on spotify. glad we're on the same page tonight there's a drink waiting for you downstairs.
you are the root of all my greats nights and my worsts decisions
I finally realized he drank way too much when he tried serenading me to the song "come my lady" while slowly and creepily making his way toward me...keeping constant eye contact.
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
Randomize
