OH MY GOD! I just remembered how we ended our bar time last night: picking up and drinking random drinks that ppl had left. wtf is wrong with us?! that's so ghetto!
No. You're kidding.
I am not. I wish I were. I speak the truth.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
It was kind of weird
What did your mom walk in?
She flung her tampon across the room.
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
When I told my boss I'm using a vacation day for 4/20, he gave me his personal cell phone number and winked at me.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
We stole a cat. That is all you need to know.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
How is it that you get into at least one taco related fight a year?
Your French couch surfers have just started playing flip cup with old crow. Basically you need to come back here
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
If you can handle my post-party look you da real MVP
Drink. Fuck. Waffle House. Repeat.
Randomize
