This guy has a retainer. We're golden.
Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Sorry I wasn't really responding earlier. I was really fucking high and so into that car chase.
He just kept telling me how to do certain things. It was like I was fucking my sex ed teacher
theyll ask where you are and ill say on a date crying in a sombrero
like that time i did too much ghb at gay pride
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I can't live in this building much longer. People are starting to figure out that it's me making the weird sex noises.
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
We almost drove away from the bar with a British stranger in our trunk...
I'm her ex, so unless you're interested in her massive moral failings and open season vagina, I'm not your guy.
A true gentleman never tells. But yes, I did indeed get laid last night
yea i'll help you find a man. but, when I say jump, you say on who.
Randomize
