I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
do you ever facebook stalk someone so much you think their inside jokes are yours?
i just wanna lock my vagina in a safe filled with bandaids and healthy things
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
I was only out of town for 1 week. His cell records show he texted 63 ex-gfs and hookups while I was gone. And 10 condoms are missing.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
I will sleep with anyone I have to to make sure you don't get deported
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
I just lectured my ex boyfriend on how to eat a girl out what has my life come to
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Randomize
