I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
You put your red cup in a chain link fence and kept telling me you could use it as a telescope
Then he told me he was 40. I'm not sure if I have enough Daddy issues to go for it
I think i can make this amish girl legitimately hot.
hes either a crazy bad problem or a crazy good orgasm. I just can't decide which one.
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
we've had our differences but let's set them aside, go home and fuck
That's the fall semester you first snorted drugs off my ass I think
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
Woke up backwards on a recliner
I'm deleting Tinder. I got there he rubbed my back and then proceeded to jerk off on me.
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
my alarm on my phone broke at the bar sooo i had to sleep with someone so i'd wake up on time for work.
This is very awkward but where is my dildo, Mom
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
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