sooooo how many boyfriends is too many?
did you know they have Ed Hardy school supplies at Target? it's like folders and notebooks for little douchebags in training.
she was home schooled till college. were she learned how to give the most amazing blowjobs is still a mystery.
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
don't forget friday is see who can get the most free drinks at the gay bar contest. winner gets $50
Maybe I don't remember every single thing... I think there's a hi lighter treasure map drawn on my arm...
I just found it. I hope it leads to food.
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
So our bartender was in the bathroom the same time I was so I ordered a beer mid stream.....is that weird?
I'll probably just end up banging you in your parents marital bed,in their honor of course.
Remind me to NEVER AGAIN mix beer with tequila with beer with whiskey with vodka with rum with vodka.
my goal is to never have a bac of 0.0 the whole time while in the state of florida, which means i have to chug a beer before i cross the state line
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize