I can totally hide my daquiri in my sling.
I was also standing on my bed with a road cone pounding on the ceiling at 3am. Not sure why
I just typed in random letters on his address bar... 5 out of the 6....a porn site was in the drop down list hahahahaha get a life bro.
Dude, seduce him with cookies. You almost turned me gay with scones. Don't be surprised when they get you laid.
Wanna know what sucks. Banging the bosses daughter at work and having the boss walk in while you are fucking on his desk. Good day though. Made 6 sales
How does one hint at their mentee that they used to casually fuck his brother
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
Some guy walking down the sidewalk just looked at me and said "hey it's the world champ". How drunk was I on Friday...?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
HOW THE FUCK IS IT POSSIBLE THAT THE JUNIOR HIGH STUDENT IS BETTER AT BEING AN ADULT THAN I AM!?!?
god i just can't wait for finals to end so i can just masturbate all day and night
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
I was watchin a porno and I sware I saw that dude at the bar at applebees the other night
Randomize
