You ever start fucking a girl and realize she kinda looks like your mom?
He yelled out my full name in bed...I felt like I was being scolded.
There are only families here. I'm at the bar alone double fisting drinks. You cannot get any more approachable than I am now.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
A drunk hobo just gave me a fist bump. Because I know what a womb is.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
Remember that time we turned a can of Axe body spray into a flame thrower?
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
Did you know that chef boy-ar-dee was a real person? I watched a show about him. the history of the ravioli is more scandalous than you would think.
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