Woke up in 100% not my clothes this morning. Third time this month. Fuck. Tequila.
I didnt shave my beard last night, so I could feel it while Im shrooming today
Let me start this apology by saying you were the finest piece of ass I ever had.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
You could have chosen coming to fuck me over getting too hammered to drive. But you made your bed, and now you get to jack off alone in it.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
And the sky opened up and god said.... "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!!!!"
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
for not the first time in my life, my clothes are covered in piss and i'm standing in line waiting to buy pedialyte at a convenience store
If my vagina were a person, it just ran a marathon.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
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