just realized i've hooked up with 3/4 of the guys here COOL
Facials are how you say "I love you" in porn star.
I am no longer a man. I just realized I prefer Spongebob to college football.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
All three women i have fucked in the past week are here in the same bar. Gameface, go.
Gonna go for any of them?
Thursday night girl, but friday is watching and tuesday is serving us.
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
My mom just asked me if I knew what Buzzfeed was. Then said she's watching the second Magic Mike for the bodies. Please help.
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
Randomize
