I just saw a commercial for "tickle me elmo hands" and I am almost 100 percent sure that at the end elmo said "yeaaaaa boooyyyyyy"
long story short: there's a file in the master file cabinet labeled "lube".
i found the one person in the world who takes longer to cum than i do... mutual dissatisfaction is probably not the best foundation for a relationship.
Her face was so far in my boobs, I didn't think she'd make it out. She took it like a man. She's a real trooper.
No, "because my penis told me to" is not an acceptable answer to that question
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
It's ok I'm watering my plants with a 40 in my camelback, people are staring
LSD in a sugar cube. Dropped it in my whiskey sour and felt like I was rowing a boat.
She had her insurance card taped to her arm because it was the only thing she "couldn't take off and lose"
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
The only thing stopping me from having sex with you in my parents jacuzzi bathtub is the knowledge that they've already had that idea themselves
So unless we're getting married, I can't see him cry AND have sex with him. It just doesn't work like that.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
Randomize
