Funny, my mom didn't get it when I said 'that's what she said' after she said 'it's so thick, it's impossible' in reference to my milkshake
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
Just made a makeshift menthol by rolling a listerine strip into a regular cigarette... Poor? Who, me?
Found my little brother jerking off with a condom. he said he was "practicing"
OMG its one we used last night
She tied me up with her honor cords...
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
I went around and congratulated every guy that had a beard for having one
Goddamn tequila
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
Weirdest drunk sex ever. His sweat dripped into my eyeball and then he looked down and asked me why I was crying. I went with it.
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
Did I penguin dive down a hill last night?
You walked right into the door. Even the door guy and security guys were laughing.
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