He ripped my extensions out during sex, not noticing until this morning when he saw them on the floor. I told him they werent mine and he went and threw them in his sister's room.
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
just jacked off in the bed i was conceived in.
You know your from las vegas when the girl on the stage in the strip club was in my US gov class senior year
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
Just had ice cream and a blow job come together in one glorious, defining moment.
Fuck man, my Dad's been single so long I get him a year's sub to a porn site every year for for Father's Day
Also he didn't buy condoms after we ran out last week. Luckily I had one, but I told him he should be more optimistic about getting laid
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I was eating leftover taco bell in bed at 3 in the afternoon. I can't throw any stones
Yeah, great now I will be tampon girl
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Randomize
