haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
I totally ignored my nose and drank sour milk this morning. The tupid carton said 4/22/09. i puked everywhere..
She’s leaving for college so I made her a gift basket with all the essentials. You know- Ramen, a 12 pack of PBR, some leftover Plan B pills and a laminated business card for a good lawyer. Damn I’m a good big sister.
it turns out jennifers body is not good to beat off to. yeah its megan fox but when she pukes up blood = goodbye boner
You should know I just got pulled aside by TSA because they found a bottle of Bud Light in my backpack... Thanks for that...
They left me stranded on the side of the road with a table and five gallons of water. They said it was all I really needed to survive. People are staring
He's not actually Jewish. Turns out he just wears the yarmulke to cover his bald spot.
And then I fed you egg rolls in bed as you were screaming I'm moving out
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
How did I pull off convincing everyone that my name is Dad? Maybe they were just distracted by my boobs.
I am afraid of asking him for his new number so I continue to text the one that's no longer in service.
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
He has to be employed and covid free. That’s my standard. I can’t be picky. 2020 has killed my sex life.
Randomize
