All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
new years resolution: more sex, less car punching, more chipotle.
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
Is a box of franzia too insincere of a gift for "i'm sorry I backed into your toddler with my car"?
I took the chef home. His dick even tasted like garlic
You are the only person I know that goes to a bar enough to charge your iPhone there....
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I just took my birth control on the way to class with a 1/2 melted jello shot I happened to find in my purse from Friday night. I told you I was going hard this year.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
Why would you hook up with someone whos known for peeibg in someones mouth
You guys had reggaeton music playing while dry humping? Definition of romance.
Just shared a bacon biscuit with my cat.... Life is weird for me right now
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Randomize
