i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Homecoming wouldn't be the same without all the drunk old people puking on the street.
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Whoever I saved in my phone as "Jackpot" last night has your keys.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
She kept throwing quarters at him and yelling "Goooaaallll!!" whilst taking her clothes off one by one. I'd say she had a good night
im going to hold it over his head for all of eternity. when his children are born i am going to go to the hospital as his wife is giving birth and shove the picture in the childs face, so the first time they see their father is in a drunken stupor looking like a jackass.
Although I would ideally cut back on smoking weed, imagine what getting high and looking for our spirit animals would be like
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
Just tried to dig out holes in my mattress for my boobs so I could be comfortable lying down on my stomach
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
My grandpa is driving me to get condoms and wine. This is adulthood.
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
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