His stupid grin looks like he's mid-ejaculation
My BOSS just pulled out a box of Christmas stuff labeled reefs.
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
Stage 55 clinger. not a typo. I cannot even believe this shit.
I just don't see what's wrong with carrying a water bottle around.
It's not the bottle. It's the fact that you're drinking wine out of a sport bottle at 9 am.
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
Sometimes crazy just comes naturally. I don't need booze to say that on occasion I feel the need to rip off my asshole and throw it against the fridge to see if it sticks.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Am I the only one who saw the used condom in the driveway this morning
how do you politely tell someone their toddler looks alarmingly similar to the berries and cream guy
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Randomize
