How come twittering sounds sexual?
Because of Bambi.
I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
just had sex in his gielfriend's bed, and puked all over it. i need to get out of here.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
At what point are you a chubby chaser or just desperate for sex?
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Well it's been 24 hours and I still feel like a mammoth sat on my balls
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
Got laid in my rudolph onesie for the second year in a row. New tradition? Absolutely.
You threw a shot glass at the bartender and still managed to convince him to let us drink more. You are my hero.
Like I'm getting finger banged and my family is making cookies in the kitchen. Talk about terrifying
I didn't know White Castle was open when your sober.
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
If you wanna do actual business call my office. If you’re just looking to get laid you need to up your game
Randomize
