How does everyone that never saw me naked know I'm built like a smurf?
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
Get the cougar, get the cougar, get the cougar. Act like an injured baby deer. She will either eat you alive or nurse you back to health either way its still sex.
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Jungle juice turns everything into a pickup line. All I said was "do you play chess" and somehow I got laid.
went back to my college bar last night. Bar tender doesn't remember my name but remembers me as margarita girl...I'm not even mad though
You can't just say "I scored us a potential threesome" and then not text me back.
i accidentally gave my stepdad ketamine so id say it was a fun weekend.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
Randomize
