i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
I just looked into the eyes of the man whose car I peed on last night
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
You have no idea the kind of bodily contortions I had to do to access your neighbor's WIFI
what do we think the timeline is for when your liver will begin to revolt against your drinking habits?
An orgasm and grocery shopping is the appropriate start to every Monday.
I never thought in a million years that I would have a threesome with my boss and his wife and yet here we are.
Got a $290 noise violation last night for shouting "THE KING OF THE NORTH" til 2 am
Of fucking course I get my period on Valentine's Day...
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