That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Reading in my econ of energy textbook about the US' largest oil spill from the 1990's.. guess i can't sell this one back either
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
He panicked, you ducked and I was coming off a 3 day coke binge. It was no one's shining moment.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
But fine, we can play that game. You can come over and we can have totally platonic, long, boring discussions. Or we can fuck. Whatever.
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
I broke up with him in the bar & then asked him if he wanted to have a contest to see who gets the most numbers. I say I took that break up well
I just gave her a sobriety test in the middle of the baking aisle.
And the results, officer?
She's fucked.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
8 stitches. Next time I decide to twerk while doing a keg stand, stop me.
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
learning about efficiency and effectiveness in an administration seminar. real world application: walking across the street to the pub on break to shotgun a beer.
Taking a walk while tripping face during Halloween time was a bad idea. I started crying bc I was so scared and hide in the parks playground.
Randomize
