he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
I woke up naked on my futon with a blanket half way covering my ass and 20 half eaten chicken wings on my chest... At 7 pm... That kind of day drinking
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I mean jail does seem alright, all the free broth you can eat.
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
Yeah we were on bar number 7 on our bike trail and you decided to steal my bike and we found you 20 minutes later eating Cheetos in the shallow end of your parents pool
Literally breaking up to my boyfriend while jamming out to Feraglicious
Leaves on the ground. Coffee in one hand and your man in my other. Lovely fall morning.
I am drunk shake weighting right now.
Randomize
