Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
I recorded his drunk dial calls. My personal favorite was the one that began, "grab the bull by the horns and fuck his cock."
he clicked a button a stirrups came down from the ceiling... if I don't come home by sunday, report me.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
Well, I've taken the art of car peeing to new heights
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
You're not gonna like every guy whose dick I put in my mouth
Damn. Looks like nobody I know is doing anything interesting. Guess it's another slut-it-up-with-strangers sort of night.
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
there is a naked boy in my bed & you just need to kick him out because i do NOT want to see him when i'm sober.
when i saw him today i think my vagina did the equivalent of a stomach growl... its been to long
I’m a little confused...we were told by Cheeto Jesus and his minions multiple times that we would stop hearing about coronavirus the day after the election and, yet, I am still hearing about coronavirus. Is it possible they lied to us again?!?
Randomize
