This is why I shouldn't be left alone with liquor and anticipation.
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
Her bacne/racne was so bad it was like having sex with bubble wrap.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
Wait, how is it that I'm just getting ready to go out and you're already showing your penis to freshmen girls?
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Exactly. Motivated vaginas are the best kind of vagina
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
I was a plus one at an intervention for a person I didn't know.
Yes I peed all over myself and lost both my credit cards, who wants to know?
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
Randomize
