So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
Dude, this place has 10% alcohol beer on tap. It's like God's semen.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
Listen, it's not like I meant to bust the window out. It just sort of happened. And I'm also sorry for stealing your dads bandanas.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
Made myself shower before I'd masturbate. I probably should have wined and dined myself too, but that's pushing it too far.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
We need to talk about the sailor moon porn. Do what you want in your room, but I don't want to come home to you cranking it on the couch to that.
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Last night at the bar you we're seriously going up to people and pushing through them like they were bowling pins and you were a bowling ball
Forever getting my life back together in gas station bathrooms.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
