So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
We videoed ourselves having sex... I now know why I close my eyes during sex
we're making bets on your personal life
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
I mean, I'm twenty four years old and I've never paid for my own drink. You can't say that any of your ex girlfriends boobs are THAT great.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
He put his name in my phone as David Hot Guy With Tattoos and I fell in love because that's what I was going to change his name to anyways
Just brought out that old CCM hockey helmet. The one covered in sharpie penises with "DRUNK BUCKET" written across the front. The number of tally marks / initials from tonight's drunk stunts alone is equal parts inspiring and alarming.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
My brother really should've known better than to make me go egg hunting with his daughter when I was entirely too drunk to do so. Threw up in a plant in front of her.
I wanna die. I can't recall the last time I was happy that doesn't involve your hand touching my butt.
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
I'm cuddly bitch. Deal with it.
Randomize
