yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
When we were finished I asked him how long it had been since he'd cum that hard. He thought really hard for a while before telling me his brain forgot how years worked.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
That unicorn pillow pet really made sleeping with my head in the toilet a little better.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I do NOT want my proposal story to start "...he was peeing on me and then..."
Drunk me really does appreciate that sober me made a list of movies to watch when drunk it saves so much time
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
