no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Dude just fell down the stars trying to leave class early, the prof just looks down at him and says"thats what you get"
So instead of getting the if-you-hurt-my-little-girl-youre-dead talk, i got the alcohol-is-our-friend talk, i like her dad already
See, it wasn't that I broke my nose having sex. Its that I forgot about the bedposts...
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
You are the alcoholic guardian angel of raccoons
Drinking a pint every 8 mins right now. Power hour aint shit.
Good luck
Trying doe a second hour and I.cant open my eyes
i spent 45 minutes yellng Heather I feel so bad i wanna die and then 45 more yelling I DONT WANNT TO DIE. thats how drunk i was
Have you seen that new toaster that burns your pics to toast? Let's drink some booze and discuss what I have I mind.
Don't send me nudes asking me to come fuck you on lunch break then send me a video of kids you're babysitting.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
We went there specifically for you to break it off with him and I walk in on you two in the bathroom with his dick in your mouth
but he had pizza... so i win
I give up.
I woke up beside him and almost cried. Then I realized you were on the other side so I knew I hadn't made any bad decisions.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
Randomize
