Woke up wearing just a scarf, the holidays are definetly here
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
i'm not sure if i'm mentally prepared for this.. politeness? proper grammar? book reader ? this is a whole new meaning of the species penis for me.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
You do realize I got a panda tattooed on my ass just to get you laid, right?
I just feel like Im gonna be remembered as that one RA guy that used to sell weed
I wish we knew morse code and could knock to each other through the wall
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
I just closed two deals on my laptop from my bathroom while smoking a bowl, like a bawssss. Working from home is my favorite.
We could have had it all. And by all I mean sex in your Toyota Corolla.
Naked chocolate chip pancake making. I just spilled mix all over the place. My boobs are covered in flour. This is not going well.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Its really awkward pooping while on videochat. Even if you turn the video off.
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
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