I heard we made out
Why did u sent me a picture of a dead horse?
i could hear you having sex and was jealous, wanted to kill the mood
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
also, add "teaching boys to sext" to my charity work
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
I'm just so happy. I go to sleep and when I wake up there will be chocolate milk and penis.
There is this threesome scene that is literally 10 minutes of straight fucking
Omg so it's educational?
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
I think my sex life is about to turn into a war on two fronts
Just walked outside my house; realized I wasn't wearing any pants after about 3 minutes or so.
Drunk, high, hungover?
...I wish I had an excuse.
Now swiping left on 23-year-olds with abs. Is this adulting?
Randomize
