Don't forget I'm 20 now
I liked you more when you were 19
im sorry i hit your dog last night,,,i didnt even see it
I dont have a dog?
WTF
I wish there were whore gnomes that cleaned our apartment when we were gone.
Needless to say Beer Gardens severly frowns upon playing flip cups with real glasses.
He said he's gonna start calling me "Benny" because we're "friends with bennyfits"
mom just found 19 empty wine bottles in my closet. i hate spring cleaning
Snorting lines of xanex off the back of my grandparents toilet before church. Thinking of u.
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
i vomited out of my nose in three different houses so far, i will be back for my boots tomorrow
On the 3rd day, she mixed sangria and orange juice and saw that it was good.
Just so you know my hand is still healing from where you drunkenly clawed me last Saturday
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Randomize
