your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Now we are really drunk and her 17 yr old cousin is shitfaced. He may or may not have proposed a toast to octopuses and double fisting. And we just drank to Mexico.
I wanted to take a shower but I forgot we made applesauce in it last night.
So my bf wanted to cum on my face and I let him. Afterwards I wiped some off, wiped it across his forehead and said, "The king has returned".
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
His girlfriends signaled their approval by pulling me off of him and in turn making out with me. I think I will hang out with this group more often
Well you got kicked off a stripper pole. They said girls only.
Is it in poor taste to drop acid before midnight mass?
I love this.
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