Do you think people stop being hipsters when they're naked? because that's what my research shows.
well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
just wokeup with my ethics textbook on my chest, animal crakers in my mouth and my dick in my hand. even aristotle doesn't have a theory for this one
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
We're in the emergency room. He concussed himself trying to pop all the bubbles on my "one bubble a day" wall calender with his face.
I puked walking onto the plane. How do you think my post-Birthday hangover went?
You made a glowstick headband with a helium balloon tied around it and climbed a tree in high heels. I was impressed.
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
You also once spent an entire hour explaining the origin of the strip steak to me.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
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