Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
Leave Me Alone
At least least me cry on your voice mail
A small child is toddling around the store, holding a coloring book and a shot glass. Thinking of you.
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
Target doesn't accept your signature for your credit card if you draw a dick on the pad. Even of your name is Richard.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
My dad slapped my ass the other day and say I was "doing the family name good". I feel...proud
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
HIS DICK ISNT BIG ENOUGH FOR HIM TO BE THAT PROUD OKAY
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
i guess i fuck people who own bucket hats so i can't talk shit
I dont understand why so many people are content staying in and avoiding alcohol and sex
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
Randomize
