Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
Either he masturbated at the end of the bed or she gave him a bj. Either way my bed was shaking and I was uninvolved.
No.. It's totally over.. He deleted the poke I sent him.. That makes it official.
you were watching the nanny crying, saying I wish I was that thin eating twinkies. THAT DRUNK.
Alright, so what's my next move? I already posted a Milli Vanilli video on her wall
Call me when you wake up. I wanna start drinking but I'm giving up hope on my life if I drink alone before 10 am
We all have our weaknesses that drive us crazy. We happen to have one in common, 21 year olds. Your secrets safe. Touch his penis.
Let's just say that watching the sunrise in a space helmet is really the only way to do it.
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
This spray tan I used isn't working out. I spent an hour exfoliating and rubbing the damn stuff in with rubber gloves. I wanted the alluring, sun-kissed, sexy look. I've achieved smelling like burnt popcorn and the cats won't stop licking me. I'm a salt lick for cats.
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Giving you good advice and being naked are not mutually exclusive.
He snapchatted me the wine on the ceiling this morning
I have this rep as a wingman for a reason. I'm like a poon caddy. "You might want to use a 9 iron on this hole. "
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
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