WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
I was unaware that a tutu and pasties was appropriate attire to this
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
FYI I'm about to upload a vid of you to facebook of you screaming "SNACK ATTACK" and throwing cheetos at everyone playing pong...
Fate is real! that hot chick, Megan just showed up dressed as jasmine and I'm dressed as Aladdin this is going to be cake
Like theyre better than no shoes. I'm sitting her balls naked playing xbox in nothing but crocs with the fur
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
Look at us. Planning our business meeting. Including snacks like shrooms & trail mix.
Listen, i know this is weird for you, but as your fuck buddy, id prefer if you didnt fuck her.
Youre asking too much from me
Randomize
