What's your middle initial? I need it for the census. I put us down as "unmarried partners."
Oh my god... you're gay. Ps, its A.
No no. According to the 2010 US Census, we're gay.
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
My walk of shame got a new perspective when I walked into his livingroom and found his roommate fucking some chick on the coffee table.
Hypothetically, how much legal trouble do you think i will be in for stealing someone's dog?
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
Totally just made a post sex emergency cupcake run. My life is awesome.
I have 3 bottles of vodka in my room telling me not to go to work tomorrow.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Started my new year off by being hospitalized with pneumonia. You?
Found out I'm pregnant.
I'll stick with pneumonia.
Randomize
