It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
If a guy called my cleavage "mesmerizing" but is kinda related to me, does it still count?
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
shes still asleep dad put a lobster in her bathroom
My mom called me and we started arguing as usual. I finally screamed at her "I HEAR YOU AND THAT 30 YEAR OLD FUCKING!" and hung up. She hasn't called back yet. I win.
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
I met her tumbling down the stairs chugging Captain Morgan. I'm not sure why she has the better reputation either.
Really because I got kicked out the eagles game for running up n down the steps singing ' fly eagles fly ' then punched a Dallas fan in the face before the game even started..
He made me brush his hair afterwards because it made him feel like a ken Barbie.
God I hope the sex was good.
I feel like my map app knows I'm hungover and is strategically not driving me by fast food places so I cannot stop
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
I don’t know if I’m nauseous or just disgusted with myself.
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Oh you mean the girl that gave me a black eye when I told her I liked her fake eyelashes?
I am the image of restraint, it's why im just hungover and not in the hospital
Randomize
