i was just singing like a virgin out loud my mom told me to stop kidding myself
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
Don't worry I drank 7 more beers & brought home a guy that bit me at the bar.
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
This feeling I'm having... is it love or a combination of alcoholism and unprotected rough sex
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Holy shit I've found my last one night stand in my Gran's knitting club
I'm kinda glad you won't be in Vegas tomorrow because you'd make us go streaking or throw dead animals at them.
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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