There is NOTHING better than watching a child being chased by an ostrich.
Oh god the guy I took underwear from at the bar is trying to add me as a friend on facebook now.
We made a bong out of a plastic football. I can honestly say we make a good team.
Fixing to yell "you're too hot for her" at a Gerard butler look alike. There is absolutely no way this is going to end well...
i sent you a picture of beads you send me a picture of boobs how hard is this to understand
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
I couldn't find pants for like 20 minutes so I was butt ass naked just sitting on your floor
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
You tried to order fondue take-out.
From Taco Bell.
He looks like a Mormon from a lifetime movie. Oddly I wanna give him a hand job
I think you're overestimating how drunk I was
You said your pillow felt like the ocean...
He fingerfucked me in the hot tub and then we had sex in the wine cellar. See thats why I like partying with rich people
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