There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
i'm pretty sure god just pointed at me and laughed
i made sure i dropped the whole "im a yoga teacher" bomb which basically roofies a guys sense of judgement and guarantees he will sleep with me.
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
I just negotiated a blow job for an interview.
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
i love that feeling when you wake up and have no idea how you got back to your dorm or why you have mac and cheese on your cheeks and eyelashes in your mouth
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
We are going to need a water proof camera with a flash....exit routes....lots of booze.....and a tutu for good measure
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
I really shouldn't have to tell you to stop banging your lightsaber on everything while we are in college.
When you have to have Siri remind you that you're on your period cuz you're so drunk you keep forgetting about tampons it might be time to call it a night.
Things that don't wash off in the shower: black eyes and hickies.
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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