he said he didn't have a condom.
and you said?
that that's fine cause i was ready to be a mom. yeah - he magically had a condom he forgot about after that.
i wonder what thom yorke's orgasms sound like
apparently it's not kosher to shit in a litter box when there's a line for the bathroom
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I dont think a "sorry ive slept with most of your teammates" text will do much
I think shooting the BMW with the bow and arrow is when our group became the evening's antagonist
How the hell does my fucking boss know about the goddamned magician I fucked?!?
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Omg in one week, two guys with their own names tattooed on their bodies had their tongues in my mouth. Self loathing shall commence now.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
I a very close black and white picture of my slightly erect penis and I blew it up put it in an art gallery for a show coming up and somebody bought it for 30 Grand!!!
Randomize
