This dress was meant to end up on your floor
I think im pregnant
I think you have the wrong number
I'm so hungover, I actually considered rolling down the stairs to avoid walking.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
good luck with ur interview. Just show them your confidence and don't make that sucking snot noise. Really don't. Praying for you, love mom
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
What are you talking about?! I shot gunned a monster while simaltaneously blowing gym boy Todd. If I'm not the poster child for being well rounded and versatile I have no idea what NYU is looking for
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just had a great idea for an etsy shop. Sell all the shit bitches leave from one nighters
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
I mean, I want you to have freaky orgasmic fun to entertain me, but I don’t want you to risk HIV or car crashes
Randomize