is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
it was really bad. he went around saying "I want you inside of me" to everyone.
I feel like as your wife, as cool with your decision-making skills as I usually am, there should be a bigger explanation to you adopting a child while I'm in Houston.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
I just finished a four mile round trip walk to CVS to buy shaving cream and lube. You're welcome.
Pulled a muscle in my back masturbating. But still listed as probable.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
The fact that he quoted freebird as his breakup speech was a little more classy than expected
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I'm not real sure what dinosaurs sound like, but dude, she made dinosaur noises.
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
i need you to come over and tell me if you can notice that i'm only wearing a teddy underneath my trenchcoat
I mean the power was out what was I supposed to do
Randomize
