Can't talk. I'm at the Tulsa Sheriff's office with a bunch of rednecks. I bet I'm the only one that voted for Obama.
I bet you're the only one who could read the ballott.
Just woke up wearing a top hat and simpsons boxers. i also found more money in my wallet then what i had before going out, about $1000 more
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
he told my vagina that he was looking forward to meet it
I found a sock full of anal beads in my dryer. At least she washes them.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
Just walked out of 7 11 still in uniform when 4 girls in bikinis in a convertable screamed "we fuck firefighters!"
Career choice validated
On a lighter note, the guy I gave a lap dance to then fell asleep on his crotch just facebook friend requested me..
On the oral sex Super Bowl board I drew 7 and 1. If I get lucky, someone will be swallowing during Madonna's half time. I'm sure she'd approve.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
The party got hot, we all started raging, took off some clothes, someone threw me in the shower and we all kept raging. Nude Rager, I was there at the point of conception.
Yeah, reverse cow girl. She was on top and I was playing Flappy Bird behind her back. Easiest way to have angry sex.
Just in case you forgot, you puked all over your boss house, pissed on his coffee table, and were then thrown out by his wife
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
