she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
note to self... there IS such a thing as having too many birthday shots...
On ecstasy, in Ikea. this is incredible.
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
the girl next to me at the bar JUST looked down at her vagina and said "im going to get you fed". if i come home alone tonight...i give you permission to cut off my penis
This is how we made chicken soup last night: Whole chicken in a pot of vodka with a box of crackers and some carrots. We should go pro.
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
I'm glad I booty called you last night. It was nice to see you and talk, in between all the sex...
My penis just literally said "Yaaaaaay!!!" It's the first time it's spoken out loud. Before this we could only communicate through rudimentary sign language
I told him he wasn't aloud to one word text me. Unless that one word was threesome
You know I love you. I just don't love your penis.
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
shes rolling around in the floor yelling my vagina hates me
Randomize
