remember that time that crown gas station wouldn't sell us a lighter so we had to use matches and birthday candles to smoke with a toilet paper roll? sometimes i miss high school
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I don't care if he acts like a don't exist 6 days a week. On the 7th day he makes makes my vagina cry. In a good way. Jesus understands.
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
quit making up holidays to get me to go drinking with you
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Watching the tv in the reflection of my phone cause I'm too hungover to roll over.... Yes it is 4 PM...
Oh if I trust ANYTHING about you it's your ability to lead a douchebag around by the dick
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
Yo this huge scar on my head from the car accident is truly a vag magnet. Probably because I'm telling people I was attacked by a mountain lion and killed it with my bare hands. But hey when life gives you lemons, you use them to get pussy
You have more time for sex than anyone I know.
Omg the sex was so good my ears popped. Thank god too. Cause then I didn't have to hear him going on and on about his dumbass feelings. It's called a booty call bitch.
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
i asked your drunk ass where the fuck you were going and you screamed “WENDY’S BITCH”.
Randomize
