He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Just dont tell him. Tell him you colored your vagina for breast cancer awareness month. He will understand.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I just won a riveting game of "who can drink the most vodka out of a hollowed out watermelon". Fucking New Yorkers.
He sent me a mirror pic of himself and sent it to me and all i could think about was the amazing bong hits i took with his roommate in that bathroom.
I received a text promising me sex if I drove to Memphis this weekend. Too bad for my penis that we're watching zombie movies and playing cards.
painting my nails while super high-drunk. Ended up painting my entire hands. Both.
Somehow she talked me into getting my dick pierced, weird first date.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
New rock bottom. Woke up at 7 am fully clothed in a bathtub full of water. I hate myself.
Randomize
