I just heard a girl say "We can't go that way, it is a one way street." She was on foot...Nothing worse than girl from the midwest that move to NY to "live out their dream" -the dream of living in a rat and roach infested 200sqft for $2k a month, and get fucked by some recent Ithaca college frat grad...
If I had a motorized wheelchair, I'd just chase the squirrels on campus all day.
We stole your phone last night, texted your brother and told him you wanted it up the ass by him. All he said was "I want ur money."
I just took my friends on a tour of all the places I've had sex in my house. I dont know if that's more slutty, or the fact that it took 2 hours to complete..
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
Itd be like fucking a waterbed thats been locked in a barn for two years.
Where in the FUCK do you get your analogies
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I have meat and whiskey. will you bring condoms?
I'm just like... Utterly amazed that we're still alive at this point. Who'da thunk it....
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
My date bailed but I got to take a nap so I'm cool with it.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
If it makes you feel any better, I can't find the goldfish I dropped like five minutes ago.
Randomize
