Midget Michael Jackson impersonator dancing to Beat it in Penn Station almost caused me to miss my train. God, I
She challenged me to a game of rock-paper-scissors for her virginity. I love this girl.
she gave me a disgusted look and asked how i could live with myself. because i havent seen the rocky horror picture show. and then dumped me.
apparently i found nail polish and started playing a game i made up called "paint a nail, do a shot"
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
it's like heaven, but drunker
disregard all texts ive sent you minus taco motherfucking bell
and then she judged me for using my bra as a potholder. hard times my friend, welcome to college.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
We ended up at an Asian frat. I made out with two Mexicans at the same time and I pulled a muscle in my leg from twerking too low. Diversity.
I don't know where I'm at. But I'm pretty sure what I'm looking at is a small bear.
If you think that liquor is the way to shower sex then you're right.
Well now I’m in the bathroom puking up absinthe so guess I beat myself up over it one way or the other
He’s exactly what I’m looking for: he’s got a broken heart, a working penis and a new boat!!!
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