So im pretty sure the object of my emotional onterest is tired of playing with me....
Five things that make you perfect. Go.
The skin of a dead hooker. The blood of the innocent. The soul of a kitten. The hat from cat in the hat. And sunglasses.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
You say "I'm in class" like it matters... I'm getting a little tired of having to smoke by myself at 4:20 because you're in class.
Eating Doritos is not nearly as enjoyable when I'm not drunkenly feeding them to peacocks.
Yeah well margarita Wednesday already came twice this week and it's just now Wednesday
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I got pulled into the conversation by "she sleeps with everybody" then "she" involved sleeping with "cocks the size of a viva burrito"
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
we're a generation of lazy underachieving stoners and uncreative overachieving automatons. you're golden
You shall now refer to my vagina as patty and patty only
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
Phil and I agree that the level of sand in your vagina rivals that of many of the earth's largest deserts
I literally cut myself out of my pants. What is my life.
I fell into a police barricade, a cop helped me up and asked if I've been drinking. I just looked at him and said "dude.." He proceeded to take out his handcuffs
Randomize
