I murdered the dance floor call the cops
He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
By getting ready I mean putting baby powder in my hair and possibly changing my pajamas to another pair of pajamas
I wore my underwear in the shower just in case i passed out and you had to come in and get me
I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
I wanna take him on a special date, something that says I banged your brother but since he moved I want you
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
I think I'm dead. Why did I think it was a good idea to hang from the banister while someone poured liquor into my mouth?
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
I opened the door, threw up on the street, wiped my mouth and flashed a thumbs up to all of the cars behind us and kept on driving
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
I am NOT losing my v-card to a guy who doesn't know my ass from my elbow.
Randomize
