i got so high last night i cried hysterically for like 5 minutes because i dont have any superpowers
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
Yeaaah. I'm kinda wary about that guy. Does he still have that taser that he found on the train?
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
My stepdad and I just tag-team hit on a server at McDonald's. This is the man I should have grown up with.
Would you wanna look up as you cum and for a split-second see your dad?
His idea of role playing was him wearing the halloween mitt romney mask while I gave him head
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
anyone can pick a bar fight and pick up a waitress at a bar, not everyone hangout with two wolves. TWO WOLVES.
the puppy had a little leather gag and was using a ball gag as a fetch toy
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
Had phone sex with my boss who I still haven’t seen in person. How’s your Monday ?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
He broke both of his legs jumping out of a window to escape a coyote.
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