why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
yeah bitch needs to recognize there's only one person with this face
Well if I am having twins, at least I'll finally have 2 kids by the same father.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
I was just tagged in a picture with a bunch of people i don't know in a house i don't recognize wearing a purple cowboy hat and a boa...i hate tequila
I just set the shake weight record at the bar. 20 mins of that crap and drinking beer through a straw will get the job done. I also bet the bartender 100 bucks I could go shot for shot with him. The date for that event is TBA.
You threw up on yourself mid conversation with your mom and then told her a girl at the party puked on you.
Hahahahaha. That's what your stoned ass gets for eating half a bag of processed cheese at 2am.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I have fence marks all over my body
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
You were arrested in a tiara again... maybe you shouldn’t wear one.
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
