When I masturbate I pretend my dick is the slap chop an I'm destroying vegtables. Do you think that's a eating disorder?
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
I'm full of awesome ideas
Yesss you are. Im full of confusion. I keep finding peanut butter on my legs...
I don't think I own any pants that haven't seen his bedroom floor anymore...
when you agree to fuck a guy it does by NO means make it okay for his roommate to hide in the closet with doritos and watch
I know it sucks but it's just something that needs to be done though. Like shaving ur pubes or going to the dentist.
Me and him getting it in is for special occasions only. Like Christmas and when they bring the McRib back.
IT'S A FUCKING GIANT POKEBALL MAD OUT OF TINY ROSES
why does drunk me think that doing things like throwing up on my desk and all over my 15 page lab report is okay
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
First day in a very long time I've done more pushups than bong rips
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
She yelled out "MCDREAMY" mid orgasm
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
Randomize
