She was like a white Oprah, but with less conviction.
So did the night end well for you?
I stole a traffic cone and drunk texted my sister because i couldn't think of any other girl to text
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
I tried to tell her I've only slept with 3 other people...she then named off 5 of her sorority sisters I fucked and asked me if she should continue
Well I almost walked away with an Irish guy's boarding pass and some south guy's dignity
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
my last search of the night was "the physics of green eggs and ham" what the fuck
Please tell me that I didn't call you to say I was swimming in outter space
As I was about to fuck him, he requested a moment of silence for Leonard Nimoy.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Standing naked in my kitchen making nachos. I love my youth.
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