he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
So, I was thinking... Since this restraining order doesn't go into affect until monday, that leaves us 5 days to wreck his world.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
I'm going to practice throwing things up the the air and catching them between my boobs, because that seems like a cool party trick.
DOWN HORMONES. BACK.
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
On the way out the door to work grabbed the wine glass on the floor left for the ghost of Elijah and chugged it. PASSOVER.
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
This is the third year in a row that Mario has fallen through a table on New Years. I'm sensing a tradition developing.
Just try not to have a boner when you're giving your best man speech, it will really kill the vibe
I hear jingle bells and I can't tell if it's bc I'm feeling festive or just REALLY high
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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