these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
worst 3rd wheel sitch ever. i'm crammed into a booth with him and chubs mcgee and his hand is between her legs. thank youuu karma.
he's afraid if he sleeps with me i'll go all lavender brown on him
It is 3am. I'm at a pizzeria with my 4 friends. The one to my right is throwing up on herself, the one to my left is crying hysterically by herself, the one in front of me is passed out on the table, and the other is trying to find a taxi and I'm pretty sure a guy is sticking his hand up her skirt. Tourists are taking pictures. Help me.
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
The bachelorette started when I opened the door and they threw a few dozen dildos at me.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
Just a little drinking. So much fun and love. The world is a shiny wonderful sphere in the sky so why shouldn't we celebrate?
just saw a kid waiting at the door of the stairs for the elevator. there is no elevator in this building. get on his level.
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
