I just walked through a room full of deaf people and farted i love deaf people
you know how they say when you die, your whole life flashed before you? well do you get to see what happened all the nights you blacked out?
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
My name in their phones is "That Girl". If i can't get it to go away, I might as well live up to it.
i had a threesome. one of the guys used to bully me in high school too for being gay.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Oh and apparently Friday night I came home and tried assembling the Christmas tree until my mom just told me to go to bed. Blackout.
Why is it every time you ask me what I'm doing, I'm at a police station?
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
That song just makes me wanna take off my top and shake my titties all around the club.
Ya know. I was thinking of my slutty moments the other day and finally know which one makes the number 1 spot.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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