So this shipmate of mine somehow managed to throw up in his back pocket.
Since when does a beard not count as proof of age at the liquor store?
I now realize that they made gum to take the taste of dick out of your mouth.
Then I realized I was alone sitting on the bathroom floor brushing my teeth at 2am laughing to myself.
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
The bouncers kicked us out around 3 so we went to the grocery store flasks in hand and asked them to turn up their music...
Hey man, I found your crocs and your visor in the road. Got em for you.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
Seriously I am not buying you condoms anymore. You're 22, if you aren't woman enough to buy them yourself then you don't deserve orgasms. Grow some tits.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
Fuck the walk of shame. I make this shit glorious.
The fact that you arent wearing shoes probably just adds to the classiness
Condom wrapper stuck to my shirt ups the anty
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
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