i told him that if he starts being sappy its friends = off. he called me jerkface and drew on me w permanent marker. im either in love w him or we are twelve.
I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Mom just apologized for her lack of a gag reflex not being genetic.
My Mom printed off all of my Augusts text messages. Apparently I've been drinking WAY too much and having an intermediate drug problem. I have to go home everyw weekend for the rest of the semester
A pack of naked men just sprinted down the street screaming in German. It's 5 AM.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I woke up in a lawn chair by the lake to some man revving his boat motor at me.
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
He stopped mid sex to pour wine in my mouth...
Marry him.
He shampooed and conditioned his pubes but can't manscape for shit.
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Just because I know you’ll get a kick out of this, I sneezed earlier and cupcake frosting came out
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
Randomize
