Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
I'm going to make an art book filled with pics of me peeing in every bar bathroom I've ever been in. Dedicating it to you. You're welcome.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
It took him 5 seconds to cum and then he wanted to hold my hand all night
now that I know that you did coke with your mom I can't look at her the same
You told the cop FUCK YOU AND YOUR TASER, i dont think he appricaited that
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
bullshit you weren't drunk, you pointed at me and said my cigarette was empty
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
Ran into my FWB on my walk of shame and went back to her place. Even my walk of shames are awesome!!!
Randomize
