The trick is to not slur when purchasing the condoms at 3am
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
My uncrustable is thawing in my straightener
All i remember was you crying naked on the bathroom floor because you were cold. I got you a blanket and you kept kicking it off and crying because you were still cold.
You know, last years football game was epic, but seeing the same girl that gave you a bj in the parking lot, in the same parking spot...that's fate.
my roommate just showed me the scar on her forehead... that she got from a shake weight... That. just. happened.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
she's like the billy mays of hookups...touch my boobs and i'll throw in this blow job ABSOLUTELY FREE
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
Overheard-"sex" and "giblet gravy" in the same sentence. Best thanksgiving ever.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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